One of the worst things someone who suffers from bipolar disorder can do is pull an all nighter & throw off their whole sleeping pattern. Sleeping is so significant in our lives because it literally affects the way our day will go and how our moods will shift. Last night though, I was like a kid at a candy store. I was so excited about starting this blog that I stayed up till 5 am. I wanted it to be perfect. Pulling an all nighter wasn’t difficult, but I came to realize very late in the game that I didn’t have a freaking clue to what the hell I was actually doing. When the realization finally hit me, albeit, hours later… I knew all my hard work was a lost cause. I decided that I was just going to get one of my amazing web designer friends to help me put it together and I went to bed. Nonetheless, this night wasn’t a high point for me.
I knew that my excitement was overbearing and completely took over my mental state causing me to fall into a hypomanic state. This excitement and this all nighter also made me complete loose track of time and miss my medications. I routinely take my medications before bed. However, last night there was no “before bed” for me, and I can’t take them during the day unless I want to be walking around like a damn zombie. (Side Note: Do not, I mean DO NOT miss taking your medications under any circumstances. It is a very dangerous game to play and unless you have mastered the skill of avoiding certain triggers to prevent you from getting into a manic or depressive episode, take your medications as your doctor insisted on. It is highly highly and I mean extremely dangerous, and the last thing I want is for anyone to think what I did last night was okay, because it totally was extremely irresponsible on my part). By the time my significant other got to the house to pick me up for one of my very important doctor appointments, I had decided that I was not getting out of bed. I was extremely tired, and I only slept 3 hours. I was not going. Point blank. Period. This indeed caused a major and rather stupid argument between us. So, it is safe to say that my day started off pretty shitty. Lets rewind back to last night though, people with bipolar II disorder tend to have hypomanic episodes. Hypomania is a less milder form of mania (which I will discuss at another time). Because of my state of overbearing excitement, me missing my medications, and my mind full of racing thoughts — I couldn’t sleep. For most people, being excited about something new, something creative, and something that they wanted for a long time – staying up for it does them no harm whatsoever. Well maybe some bags under their eyes, that btw Klyie Jenner’s eye cream would fix right away lol. But, for people like me – this opened a big can of hypomanic episodes.
Let’s go down the DSM-5 list, shall we? 1. Inflatted self-esteem or grandiosity (check), 2. decreases need for sleep (check), 3.pressure of speech (check), & lastly (for this case), increase in goal-directed activity (check). These are some not all of the DSM-5 symptoms of diagnosing Mania. I only stated these because that is exactly what I was going through last night. I mean, I had literally just worked a ten hour shift and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. But I just couldn’t. My mind was racing with these creative ideas and if I had not stayed up, I would have indeed been tossing and turning in bed thinking about it. So, I chose to stay up. I felt like Superman and I could do anything my little heart had desired. It was go time. Ultimately it was a epic fail because I am not even remotely close to knowing how to set up a website. It is not my strong suit. And because of my burning need to be a perfectionist it cost me heavily. I was extremely exhausted, irritable, and had a ridiculous argument with my girlfriend, which later caused me to fall into a depression and I ended up sleeping all day. Remember yesterday when I said having the good days are better than the bad days until the crash happens. So, I was highly intoxicated with excitement causing me to become hypomanic then became extremely exhausted, causing a really dumb argument, and ended in me feeling like a shitty person—causing the crash & that my friends is what happens when you do not take your medications. Your highs drop to such a low point that you end up spending a beautiful summer day sleeping. I just took my medication, and I am going back to sleep because I have a very early surgery in the morning ( I’ll talk about that another day). So that was my very blah story of the day. I hope everyone is doing their best & God bless — goodnight world.