“My moods change more often than the seasons, and with my moods, my energy levels change also. I am either too up or too down, but I’m rarely in between. When I’m down, I can not just snap out of it. I can not think positively to make it all go away. I can barely pull myself out of bed and into the shower. Being around people is just too hard. I don’t always feel sad, sometimes I don’t feel anything at all. It may seem like I am giving up, but this is when I am fighting the hardest, just to stay alive. When I am up, life is wonderful. Nothing can go wrong, and I have all the energy in the world. I want to go out, I want to DO, I want to accomplish. I am confident. I talk too fast, I think too fast. And it bothers me when those around me can’t keep up. Sometimes I am irritable or snappy. I want things done my way. I want everything done at once. I’m impulsive. I like being up more than being down, but I am down much, much, much often. The hardest part of this disorder is that I never know when my mood will change. It is a rollercoaster, and it’s exhausting to ride the rollercoaster every single day of your life. I hide what I’m going through in order to make you feel more comfortable, and I am tired. I did not ask for this, any more than a person asks for cancer. I fight it everyday. I am stronger than you know.”
I do not know who wrote this, I found it on pinterest & thought; this is my life. This is how I feel. This quote was made for me. Whoever wrote it, I couldn’t have written it better myself. I wish I knew so I could give them recognition, and a hug. Let them know I feel this way too. It is as if they jumped into my brain and wrote down my thoughts. It makes me proud seeing things like this because people aren’t hiding behind their disorder anymore. They are telling their truth. And while it may not be pretty or even remotely flattering; it is their raw, deep, chaotic lives.
This is the chaotic mind. This is our emotions and feelings. This is the way we live and it is so hard, but we all are so brave. Don’t get off the roller coaster, it is worth the ride; even when it seems like it’s too much.
Have a blessed Saturday everyone.