Once upon a mania…

Once upon a mania…

Earlier I shared how happy I was. I got home from work & started looking through my planner. I started filling in dates that needed to be filled and I went into August. Besides putting in my work hours I had no idea what else to add. September is right around the corner; I’ll be right back in school. Working and going to school. Where the hell did my summer go ? All I’ve been doing is recovering from this surgery and working. I haven’t gone to the beach not once, I haven’t went out once, I haven’t done anything but stay home.

Doctors orders; no sunlight. Once upon a time during a manic episode I decided to let someone who I thought was a friend & actually good at her job do microblading to my eyebrows. For the record I didn’t need it; my eyebrows were perfect. I don’t know what on earth I was thinking but after allowing her to convince me–I let her do it. For those of you who do not know what microblading is, it is when you tattoo your eyebrows to look fuller. I didn’t research her work. I went on her word on how good she was. After it was said and done my eyebrows looked horrendous. They were uneven, and way too thick. Of course during this time I was manic and thought “why not, just do it..whats the worse that can happen”. The worst that did happen was that I looked like a cartoon and without makeup I couldn’t dare be seen.

I decided to remove it. At first I went to this specialist in removing tattoos through lazar removal. It became tedious to have to go every 3 months and not seeing any results. The pigmentation was far in too deep and it was costing me a pretty penny to do this. The girl (who messed them up) kept telling me to come see her for a removal and she would do it at no charge. So, I finally gave in.

Again, I was manic. I wasn’t medicated just yet. I allowed her to do the removal, she swore she done a million times and assured me it would heal in two weeks. In about two weeks I had this really bad infection. I messaged her asking if this was all normal and she told me to apply Neosporin..& so I did. Constantly. Once the infection subsided there were two huge dents on the side of each eyebrow. I was so devastated. I missed school, stopped going out, and when I went to work I was caked up in makeup.

Last year, my girlfriend realized how miserable I was and she found this plastic surgeon in NYU. By the way, he is the best hands down. If anyone ever needs one, he is the man you need to see. Dr. Edward Rodriguez aka the man. After 3 surgeries, three lazar procedures; my dents are totally gone. The only issue left was the scar tissue around it. My last surgery he grafted my skin to fade out the scars. I am still healing, the surgery was only two weeks ago. My doctor says this is the end of the road and although I will never look the same; this was the best anyone could do. He is totally right, we have done all we can do for this, it’s time to cut the cord.

In the meantime during my recovery I am not allowed in the sun. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love the beach. How the beach and I are one. That is my favorite place in the world; especially in the summer. I regret to inform you guys, I haven’t been to the beach yet. I am sad. I want to tan, I want to feel the sand in my toes, and I wanna dip in the ice cold water. This is the worst summer ever.

Don’t get me wrong, I want my face to heal correctly, and I want to stop having surgeries. I am exhausted and this isn’t cheap. I just want to look like I use to and go to the beach. Am I asking for too much ? Summer is almost over, and if it ends and I don’t have at least one weekend in the sun I am going to severely hate life.

Life lesson: when we are manic we do the most dumbest fucking things in the world thinking it’s fucking genius. Although, somethings maybe; this wasn’t one of them. I completely ruined a beautiful face. I fixed something that wasn’t even broken and I’m paying more than anyone will ever know for this stupid decision. Add it to my list of regrets.

I pray that all of this was worth it and I feel comfortable enough in my own skin even when I don’t have any makeup on. God willing, I will be more than happy with the results when all of this is done. Maybe missing the beach won’t be such a bummer then.

God bless everyone.

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