I’m always trying to stay positive in every aspect of my life because I’ve been on the other side for so long that now I just want positive vibrations & energy around me. I don’t know what’s going on, but the last two weeks, I’m constantly irritable. My mood is drastically low. Everything and everyone is bothering me. I feel like I am mad at life and I don’t know why.
All day long today I felt bothered, and for no apparent reason. I didn’t want to be at work. People and work were annoying me. I just wanted to get away, be somewhere else…anywhere else. If I had a specific location in mind I would share it, but I didn’t and I don’t.
I think I’m missing therapy, I haven’t been for awhile now, and honestly when things were this bad it helped me in so many ways. Just talking to my therapist about things would feel like a relief. Now I feel like I am constantly suffocating, searching for something, anything to make me feel better about myself.
I just want to get home and get under my covers. I’m not in the mood for conversation, I want to be left alone, I just want to sleep. I try to tell myself “it’s just a bad day, not a bad life”, but it’s been just a bad day every single day for the last month it seems. Maybe more. I haven’t seen my therapist since then, if not longer.
I know better than anyone else, with this disorder medications aren’t enough; therapy is crucial. It is a must for a healthy balance, and for some damn reason I can’t seem to get myself to therapy. I’m either too tired, or say “I’ll go next week”, etc.
It’s not even 8 pm yet, and I feel extremely exhausted. I’m running on low battery. I feel snappy, I think it’s time to go home.