Today, on my day date with my wife I decided to get this tattoo. It’s a semi colon, but with a heart. For those of us who have one or more of mental health disorders – signs and symbols may mean a lot. An example of an important one is a semi colon. Though in language it simply represents a sentence the author could’ve ended, but chose not to. When it comes to mental health, we can associate this definition to ourselves. Meaning – “the author is you and the sentence is your life.” This tattoo means a lot to me. Mental health awareness is highly important to me and this represents my deepest & rawest feelings. Many times, especially in the hard times, we find ourselves in the most darkest places. We become vulnerable and susceptible to extreme levels of negative. During those low moments, we begin to think that suicide is the answer. No matter how scary it sounds, the idea of dying seems like a relief. I wish it wasn’t true, but it is as night is dark and day is light. Suicide is leading cause of death today when it comes from mental illness. It’s devastating and heartbreaking.
I, myself once attempted to commit suicide. I was in a really dark, emotional, unstable place. Thank God the knife that I used was dull. Of course, at that moment I didn’t realize it. My sister had walked into the kitchen, screaming as she saw me hysterically crying, sitting on the floor, trying to slit my wrists over and over again with this dull ass knife. That dull ass knife saved my life. My sister grabbed the knife and grabbed me into her arms.
Most people don’t understand the amount of pain a human being feels when they are even considering something like suicide. It’s enormous, and at times feels bigger than us. What we fail to realize is that, the pain is only temporary. If we just stop ourselves for a moment and think of all the people we love and the opportunities we can have – maybe we can stop ourselves. The ultimate truth is that nothing ever stays the same. Things are in constant motion. We evolve and so does the world around us. We have to remember that today our problem may seem as big as a mountain, but tomorrow if may shrink into a much smaller rock.
When I was 12 years old, my close friend and tutor, committed suicide by jumping off a building. I didn’t understand why. Till this day, I really don’t understand why he did what he did, but what I do know is that he believed his pain would never end. I wish I saw the signs. There are always signs and we should take them very seriously and pay close attention. Who knows – maybe one of us can save someone’s else life!? Maybe if I would have noticed the pain behind his smile, I could have helped him, but I was only a child then. I was oblivious to everything around me. I do pray he found his solace however, I wish he was strong enough to keep fighting.
I want people who are affected with mental health disorders – not just those with bipolar disorder, but all of us as a whole / to know that we have the power to change the narrative of our story. We don’t have to end it! We are the authors, and we all have the strength inside of us, even when we feel like we don’t. You must pull through the thoughts of suicide and fight for another day, another month, another year. Don’t give up on yourself. Your life is worth living, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. Your life matters!
Those of us who suffer from bipolar disorder and have attempted suicide before may have been in something called a mixed state. It’s probably because we are highly depressed but manic enough to actually go through with it. If anyone has ever been in that situation, I’m truly deeply sorry and I hope you failed at your attempt and are living a happier healthier life. Too many people die in this world as it is, we shouldn’t be trying to kill ourselves. We have to strive to be better, stronger, and live with hope.
This topic is highly sensitive as I am sure most of you would agree. I’m just truly proud of this semi colon tattoo and I wanted to share it with you – my friends. I will continue to support and bring awareness as much as I can, in any and every way that I can.
I will write more on suicide one of these days. But for now – I would like to leave you with some inspiration. Be a semi colon or whatever makes you aspire for change and strength. Believe in it. Only you have the power over you, so own that power and never give up on yourself. I hope everyone is having a happy and safe weekend. Thank you for reading. God bless ♥️