I haven’t written since last year….

I haven’t written since last year….

Lol yes it’s only been a few days since 2020 has approached on us, but honestly I haven’t written anything since I started my semester. I’m deff disappointed in myself, because this blog means a lot to me and bringing awareness & just talking about bipolar is everything to someone like me. I have been neglecting my readers, and my own sense of reality.

This semester in college was extremely difficult for me, it got to the point where I couldn’t keep up with my school work and working full time. So, I had to cut my hours back at work…which I had deff got reprimanded for…including the fact that my attitude is sometimes overly aggressive, and when I’m angry I yell. I worked at my job for almost 3 in a half years and never got into any trouble. But, the funny thing is from September-December I missed an overall 13 days & left early 3 times. Like hello! People take vacations for that long, or get sick. Honestly my boss needed to make an example out of someone and Bc of my loud ass mouth ( which I’m not very proud of) I got in trouble.

But, things are alright right now and I’m okay with how things shifted for me at work. I feel like change is good and I’m all for it. Although, I still really need to work on my lashing out. Which is extremely difficult at times, especially when I feel like people are idiots. Lol I don’t think I’m always right because that would just be mad, however I do believe if something can get me that upset that I need to lash out, then it personally affected me in some way. A lot of people don’t get that and honestly I don’t expect everyone too.

I don’t want to let bipolar disorder be some kind of crutch for me, because it’s not and I don’t want it ever to be, but let’s be honest 99.9% of people who know me know that I have this disorder. You would think they would try to be a little bit more considerate to the fact that my emotions sometimes get the best of me. It doesn’t work like that in the real world, not for me, not for anyone. It doesn’t matter to anyone what disorder you have, you’re an adult and you should behave accordingly. Granted that’s true, but sometimes I can’t control the lashing out…I’m working on it though.

Do I want to be viewed as this hostile person who can’t seem to get her emotions in check? Absolutely not, like who the hell would, ya know? I just honestly believe that no matter how much you express yourself to people, or they know you have a disorder like bipolar, it doesn’t matter. And, the reason is, is because they will never understand why you get the way you do. Sure they can sympathize, but they will never get it…and that sucks.

On the positive note, I aced all my classes this semester lol so I’ll count my blessings. It is a new year, and every new year we all want to work on things on ourselves. Whether it’s to lose weight, to read more, go out more, spend less money. There are goals we all want to meet. And, you should !!!! Don’t let anything get in your way! Not your idiot “boss” who talks shit about you behind your back and smiles in your face or that dumb guy who fails to text you unless he needs something. Fuck those people and their negative energy. Live your life to the best ability you know how, and remember the most important thing is your happiness before anyone else’s!

With that said, I hope everyone has a great New Years & I hope whatever you’re battling you come out on the other side stronger. I really mean it. Take care of each other & god bless 🙂 till next time..

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